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"I'm sure it wasn't that bad," Angie replies. "Besides, I saw you a month ago, and your butt was fine. I'd have noticed if it was seventeen feet wide." Of course, Angie is a mom and routinely lies all day--for example, That fluffy bunny on the side of the road is covered in delicious raspberry jam! And he's napping; shhh, don't wake him!--so I'm not so quick to believe her.
"Don't be so sure. I was wearing black pants and a girdle. They're very deceptive."
In the background , I hear Angie's youngest son saying, "Mommy's on the phone and Daddy's at work--so who will make me a sandwich, I wonder?"
"Do you have to go?" I ask. "The last thing I want is my rampant obesity causing your children to starve. And by the way, when the hell did I begin to criticize myself? A month ago I was fat and happy. But ever since I made the decision to drop a few pounds--way less easy than it sounds, by the way--I've become obsessed with my size, and in so doing I've inadvertently allowed my inner critic to have a voice. And you know what? She's a bitch. Like now when I see my underpants in the laundry, I no longer think Soft! Cotton! Sensible! Instead I hear her say Damn, girl, these panties be huge."
"Your inner critic has terrible grammar."
"I know, it's the only way I can take away some of her power over me."
3 comments:
You're reading this? Now??? Did you buy it??? Can I borrow it??? She is coming to the Borders (I think it's Borders, may be B&N, I'll have to check her website) in Roseville on 6/19, 7PM, which is exactly when I'll be drooling over Cody at the zoo... or I would absolutely want to go see Jen in person.
yes i'm reading it! now! i did indeed buy it! and of course you can borrow it! :)
What a relief!
Oh... there's a frog making froggy sounds in my yard. Must go investigate.
Before the dogs do.
It may already be too late.
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